These Days

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These days…
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I’m struggling to find my way to this space I call See Things to put into words the things in my mind and on my heart.
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I’m taking pictures when I see something that looks photographable, perhaps to fill the time, or perhaps just to fill the ache.
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I’m recuperating from the stomach malady that worked its way to me after first hitting the rest of the family, only to hit me the hardest.
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my heart is heavy under the weight of empty chambers.
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I’m figuring out how to survive grief that is intermingled with all the regular old life-is-hard-sometimes things that were there pre-Anysia, and since losing her, all the regular old life-is-hard-sometimes things that always will be there {like viruses that sweep through your household and pack a wallop of a punch, taxing all to their limits}.
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I’m resisting the temptation to feel as though God has forsaken us when we need him the most.
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I’m discovering just how many other losses come with losing a daughter.
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I’m reading a lot through the Psalms.

joy comes unexpectedly… unless expectedly coming from our little Laughter who we can always count on for lightness, levity and smiles.
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I’m making it through, often on the gestures of the committed and kind souls who continue to be the builders in our loss.
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I’m low on patience and all the other good virtues one can think of. Joy. Hope. Determination. Inspiration. Strength. Clarity. This is a list that could easily go on.
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I’m waiting for the newness of Spring.
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I’m asking for God to help me in all things.
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I’m starting small.

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